I stopped making New Year’s resolutions some time ago. It’s not that I didn’t want to do or be better, or that I didn’t want to take the opportunity to use this time of the year (usually accompanied by time off from work) to take stock of my life and figure out what I needed to tweak. I did. But what I usually wound up doing was expending lots of energy for the first 2-3 weeks of January, then falling off and returning back to life as usual. So I quit making resolutions.
How empowering, right? Yeah, no.
This year I decided to make one resolution: more action, less reaction. In looking at my life, I recognized that much of what I did or did not do came from a reaction to what someone else did or did not do or what I thought they may do or do not do. Whew! It’s as if I created an entire game of tri-dimensional chess, but I was only playing myself. I’ve talked and written about being authentic, vulnerable, and a whole person, but how could that be if my behavior(s) were not truly coming from a pure place? Of course we all have actions that are influenced by others, and that’s fine. I sometimes wear sequins because my daughter, lover of all things shiny, suggests that it would be a cute day look. But I can’t live my life that way.
In looking back, I see that being reactionary has kept me in a bit of an oval-shaped holding pattern over the last couple of years. I’ll skim along the edge, accomplish something, go further out into orbit, but then wait to see what happens instead of pushing further, deeper. I am lucky to be surrounded by some amazing folks, both in my intimate circle and on the periphery. Nope, not doing that any more. Or, I’m going to work at not living in that mode any further. The end-goal: having a fuller, deeper, more rewarding life in every area.
What more can I ask for?